Separation anxiety

Oh GOD. Only two weeks left in Germany, starting today. I don't like this. I feel queasy. I can't even enjoy the moment because I am too busy eulogizing it already. Every moment for me is a snapshot in time which my brain is busy framing, categorizing, archiving and nostalgizing. (My brain is going, "Look, Anna, wasn't that a nice time you had in Germany? Those were the days.") Whatever I do now, I am not really doing it, I am "making a memory;" posing for my mental pictures.

This can't be right! I keep seeing acquaintances and going, "By the way, I'm moving back to the States soon. Good-bye, in case I never see you again!"

I only just bought my ticket to California yesterday (from NYC, where my program ends, not from Germany). I was putting it off for a long time. Now, it's time to think about packing, good-byes, catching flights, getting my job back at home and starting the Fall semester in boring old boyfriendless America.

I realized recently, with a sick start, that I have 12 days left with Micha. 12. I am leaving from Frankfurt on the 14th, a Wednesday, and am staying with Erich in Berlin for 2 days before that. So I have to say goodbye on the 12th, the Sunday after this one. Next Sunday!! Fuckkkk. Sick to stomach. Not liking this.

Okay, trying to think of something positive about the situation:

1. A week in NYC with Chris 'n' Rochelle on the way home
2. Visiting Cooper in San Francisco on the way home
3. Possibly seeing my Grandma in Big Sur on the way home (it's a long way)
4. Mom, Dad, Brenda, Christopher, Ariel, Heather, Brownie, Pepper
5. Riding my bike everywhere
6. Going to the beach
7. Linnaea's Cafe
8. Actually making college progress and applying myself again
9. Free water with ice cubes, free public bathrooms, bag boys, the dollar, no extremely cold temperatures, cell phone contract (no more pre-paid Quatsch)
10. German will be my secret language. Perhaps will read Nietsche in public. Out loud. 

Plus, I will see Micha again in November, and between now and then I will be so busy working toward my future, the time will just sail by. Right?


Author's note: 

1. r. Quatsch (ugs): Nonsense, malarkey, bunk, balderdash and/or flim-flam.