The Handyman

I got creeped on by the same Deutsche Telekom dude who always creeps when I need to reload my Handy (cell phones are called Handys!!) with more cash. The first time I encountered him he went, "Are you over 18?" I went, "Why is that important?" And he gave me this icky look for a second and went, "I'm just asking..." Then there was a pause as I entered my number in the PIN-pad and then he finally continued, "...because we have an Angebot for young people between the ages of blah and blah..."

A special offer? I'll bet you do. Ick.

Anyway, then he tried to sell me a 2-year contract and I had to explain that I would only be living in the country for 6 months, which proved an unfortunate conversation-starter, and we had to go through the old "But you speak such good German!/Oh, stop!/No, I mean it/Well...thanks!" song-and-dance before getting back to the point.

Then I pointed out that when one doesn't have a contract, one can choose how much or how little to talk and if you run out of money you don't have a bill to pay. He was convinced a contract would still be cheaper than loading my phone with cash all the time, and attempted to prove this by drawing some scribbles on a piece of paper, which I did not stress myself trying to interpret. I said if I could find someone else to take over the contract when I leave, I would look into it.

This was not a good thing to say because now whenever I go in there he says, "Aha. Still hasn't found someone."

Then today I peeked in and he didn't appear to be there, so I got in line. Then as I was waiting he slurked in from nowhere and said he could take the next customer.

"Hi-I'd-like-to-load-my-"

"So. Our biggest source of income. Still haven't found someone?"

"Nope!"

"How much?"

"15 Euros, please."

"You know, it's best if you just find a German boyfriend."

I toyed with the idea of making up a lie about my imaginary boyfriend already using Blau, but I think lies about boyfriends are for the desperate, so in reality I just gave him a filthy look and sniffed, "Yes. That does seem like a possibility," with the air of a second-grade science teacher dismissively acknowledging a student's pathetically improbable hypothesis. Then there was nothing to do but walk away, letting him marinate in his inappropriateness.

Funnily enough, after this weekend, this idea does seem like more of a possibility. But it has little, very little, to do with Deutsche Telekom.